I mentioned a few weeks back that I saw horrible nail faux pas at a friend’s wedding. Well, here it is folks. I took pictures of some other crimes of pedicure but a drunk Michelle should not be left alone with a digicam. Talk about blur city. This one is bad enough, I really don’t need to inundate you with multiple foot pics.Shall we count the issues here? 1. Toes and Hose. 2. Runner in said hose. 3. Unkempt scraggly nails that can be seen through the hose.

Not long after meeting one of my bestest buds, Jewels, she gave me a one of my favorite fashion mantras, “Toes… no hose, Hose… no toes.” Seems simple, right? Then why oh why do I still see women wearing pantyhose with open toed shoes?

I know it’s colder and you still want to wear those fab peep toes or strappy sandals to weddings, formal events, work, etc. and in the past that left you with two options:
1. Paint your toes, smooth your soles and freeze with bare (well moisturized) legs.
2. Wear closed-toed shoes and be warm in your hose/tights.

I’m here to bring you an option that combines the best of both worlds – Open Toe Pantyhose. That’s right, the manufacturers have listened. You can now hide your pale winter legs behind pantyhose and still wear your fun flirty shoes. I’ve found them online at Yandy.com and Nordstrom.
Ladies, ladies (this includes you my drag queen/transgender friends) why haven’t you learned? Please for the love of all that is polish, pull your friends, neighbors, strangers on the street aside and tell them what they’re doing. Let’s stop this madness now.

Your Nail Tip Of The Week is inspired by a reader letter. It’s an issue that has plagued us all: Air Bubbles. You can fix a smudge, remove polishing mistakes and even refresh a dull top coat but getting rid of those pesky bubbles is impossible.

Your best defense is a good offense but without knowing the causes, where do you begin.

1. Air flow – Sitting near an open window, in front of or under a fan is the surest way to bring those babies to the surface. So even if it’s hot and nasty, close those windows and turn off those fans.

2. Moisture – I always wash my hands before painting my nails but excess moisture on your nail plate means impending bubble-doom. Wait a good 5 minutes after washing and rub a piece of cotton or paper towel around the edges just to make sure.

3. Excess dirt/oil – A tip I picked up from a lovely MUA nail boarder is to wipe your nails with vinegar before applying base coat or polish. Unlike some nail polish removers that contain moisturizing ingredients, straight up white vinegar will clean your nail bed without leaving any residue.

If you follow these steps and still end up with bubbling, it could be time to switch up your products. In the NYX South Sea shot above the bubbles were caused by using an inferior base and top coat. No amount of prep and caution could have prevented that.

Welcome to your Nail Tip Of The Week. A new feature I’ll be bringing to you each week. Just a collection of my nail observations, tips and tricks that I hope you all will find useful.

Since dark and vampy polish shades are back in this fall, I thought this was a good place to start.

First of all, before you pull out your fall shades file down your nails. In my opinion, longer lengths look great wearing sheers, neutrals, even brights. They make your hands look elegant. However, with a dark shade like Lippmann Hit Me With Your Best Shot (pictured), anything longer than a few millimeters past your fingertip and you’re entering Elvira territory. Great for Halloween, not so much for everyday wear.

When removing dark colors, it is so easy to end up staining the surrounding skin or ending up with polish stuck under your nails. Which leads to even more staining. My tip:

• Let your remover soaked pad sit on the polish for a few seconds.
• Gently rock the pad side to side to completely saturate the polish.
• Pull the pad in one smooth motion toward your nail edge and DON’T push back.
• Use a clean piece of cotton or cloth to remove any remains.

photo: All Lacquered Up and Elvira.com by Lynn Goldsmith

From the pages of August’s Allure, an article by Kristin Cobb:

Overmanicured?
Many doctors believe that brittle nails are caused by nail dehydration. But when researchers at Mount Sinai School of Medicine analyzed weak and strong nails, the water content was similar. People with brittle nails reported more use of hand moisturizers and more frequent professional manicures than those with healthier nails – indicating either that people turn to these regimens to treat their conditions, or that chemicals in the products involved are contributors. Lead researcher Dana Stern suggests keeping nails short to minimize absorption of chemicals, avoiding nail polish removers with acetone, taking 2.5 milligrams of biotin daily, and for any chronic nail problem, seeing a dermatologist.

So here’s my nail story. I started taking care of my nails for two reasons:

1. I was a habitual nail biter and keeping them painted helped me curb the nasty habit.

2. I bit my nails because they were weak, splitting and peeling. A symptom of what I call my “Danny Devito Syndrome.”

Danny Devito Syndrome – Have you seen the movie Twins with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito? In it, the two leads are twins separated at birth. They are the product of genetic experimentation gone awry. Danny Devito’s character was given all the “crap” genes while Arnold was comprised of the genetic material to make him a super-being. Long story short, I got the “crap” when it comes to my physical traits. I have crazy unmanageable hair (that’s already got a few grays *sigh*), the inability to heal like a normal human being (seriously it takes at least 6 months for a scar to fully heal), skin that burns and freckles (regardless of my father’s lovely olive complexion or my mother’s inability to burn), no athletic ability (even though my dad was a super jock back in the day) and weak peeling nails that look nothing like the super tools my mom sports on her tips.

So to make an already long story short (if that’s even possible), manicuring my nails is what keeps them healthy and strong. If I let them go, they’d be a wreck. So the article really doesn’t apply to me but, then again, I’m a genetic freak.